Take the PLunge!

magbebente na ako! *sigh*

ewan. parang last blog ko lang, sobrang saya ko. pakshet talaga. nasaid na yata yung mga neurotransmitters ko kaya ganitong di ko maipaliwanag ang kalungkutan ko. ewan two times. magswi-swimming naman ako sa sunday. libre pa. dapat masaya ako dahil kahit papano me hahabol pa sa pagtatapos ng summer. pero hindi. lungkot.galit.alala. halo halo na. sumabay pa yung ulan. talagang nanadya. parang nasa pelikula ako. lalakad sa ulan, umiiyak. pakshet two times. ang corny. i still don’t get the meaning of happiness. dinifine ko na nga scientifically-me kasama pang hang-over ng klase ko sa STS. ewan three times. halo halo na lahat ng negative energy. di madaan sa tulog. hanggang panaginip dala ko yung negative energy. parang nasa anime ako. pakshet three times. umaapaw sa negative energy. lalabas na isang energy ball na kulay itim. walang ibang outlet kung di itong blog. i tried telling it to my friends, pero negative shit pa rin ang lumabas sa bibig ko. ewan four times. nagmu- movie marathon na lang ako. record breaking na 7 sa isang araw. ultimate bum. with matching maraming tawag ( as in!!!) sa cellphone na pangungulit ng mga bwisit na frends and so-called frends. yan tuloy negative na nalagay ko sa frendster blog ko. ewan five times. pakshet four times. yoko na. gusto ko ng pumasok sa skul. at least dun ang lawak ng sunken garden. nunuod na lang ako ng mga nagfu-football at mga nagsa- saranggola. parang Engkantadia ang dating. walang katapusang laro at kasiyahan. pakshet five times. pero kelangan paring bumalik sa mundo. bumalik sa bahay. bumalik sa kwarto. bumalik sa kama. bumalik sa bangungot. ewan six times.

grabe. ang saya ko. tapos na summer classes (almost- me exam pa ako sa monday e, pero oks lang) at least makakapag pahinga ako ulit ng onti bago sumabak sa bagong kabanata ng aking pagiging college student. well nyways. masaya lang talaga ako. di ko alam kung bakit. Malamang muling gumana ang prefrontal cortex ng aking brain. Nakakuha ng nourishment sa aking masarap na pahinga nitong weekends. Nakapag-stimulate ng muli ang aking mga neurotransmitters ng likido ng kasiyahan. Parang ulan na pumawi sa uhaw na lupa. Sarap ng pakiramdam. para kang high sa droga. Pero na-realize ko sa sobrang saya ko, nakalulungkot pa ring isipin na panandalian lamang ang kasiyahang ito. Ewan. basta masaya ako. susulitin ko na. bago magtaas ng presyo tulad ng langis.

wake up at 7am then go home around 5pm. a lot of school work, org thingy, previous engagements… what a physically and financially draining sore… umm.. have i said emotional?

this is pathetic. summer is suppose to be all fun. But i chose to be a nerd and enroll 2 exhausting classes and a weight training class right smack at 7 am in the morning.

More to that, is my responsibility as an officer in an organization, im loaded with shit.

The summer has cost me much too. i have to purse out all my savings from my previous job- got to pay a lot of shit too, to sustain my miserable student life.

just last week, i broke the filter ( a glass covering the lense) of my friend’s sLr camera, because of a freak accident, that’ll cost me i guess 300 bucks- little but straining. still have to pay 100 bucks to my orgmate, how about 250 bucks for a favor i got from my friend in the States. 500 bucks for a thing i can’t even remember ( it’s written in my reminders)

i got this ugly burn lines in my skin-for God knows how many!, then got my friend upset for some childish, stupid argument, then there’s mom’s wrath… oh shit

never had a day to be alone, just me and myself.

then there she is. it has been years. i saw her at one of my classes. Summer’s good after all.

it’s not what you think… i’m not craving for earthly lust

but allergies are "lusting" over my body

shit, they’re all over me… hungry, drooling organisms craving for flesh

i’m helpless… tried asking for help… but alas!

i wanted to scream… but no sound came out of my mouth…

can hear their orgasms… can’t do anythin but cry silently

shit! ang kati talaga, walang effect ang mga kahit anong pahid pahid, tuloy nagiging makata ako sa sobrang kati….